That Feeling of Possibility!

“Here’s to the fools who dream.”

I’ve been carrying this peculiar feeling for a few days now. A feeling that takes me back to my grade school or high school days, when the weather was cool and rainy, the winds were harsh and there’s possibility of suspension in the air, in which after, anything can happen. The school day routine crumbles and falls and suddenly we’re left standing there untethered from schedule and homeworks and quizzes. The school structure breaks down; we can go anywhere.

I have no idea where this came from. The only new thing I can point to recently was my bout of cold that lasted for 5 days, and me drinking orange juice heavily. In these last few days or so, something in my brain, or my system, clicked into (or out of) place resulting to this feeling.

In any case, I welcome it – this feeling. It’s different. And I think right now different is good – to pull me away from the normal routine of work and short weekends. It stresses me out, it dulls me. I need excitement and a sense of adventure – who doesn’t?

Having this feeling accompany me helped me become more relaxed and less anxious at work for the past few days. I don’t think I can fully articulate why or how but I’ll try.

I think it’s because suddenly my focus was not just towards the end of the day, or the end of the work week anymore. Not at the endpoint where finally the work hours (and with this, the stress) are finished, but rather to what comes after that. Or what can happen after that – anything. It’s the Feeling of Possibility.

Somehow my head got tilted up ever so slightly that my line of sight was not towards the finish line (meaning: end of work), but has now been directed to the open field after it, unbounded by lane markings and rules.

So. As I sit here in Peet’s Coffee along Aliso Creek road, I look out the window and watch the slow moving of dreamy clouds. I feel the urge to write. But alas, I forgot my notebook. So now i’m typing. I decided I wanted to write about that peculiar feeling. It’s peculiar enough that it deserves to be written down, and remembered.

I just recently watched La La Land. It was good, and complemented my mood. It was a movie made by a dreamer for dreamers (AKA everybody, maybe). It was about two people (dreamers) who find encouragement, strength, and solace from each other. And ultimately being a part of, or the catalyst of, each other’s flight to reach their dreams. They fought against the current, against the raging sea of the unknown. They made it, eventually.

Maybe it only happens in movies. Maybe not. In my head, It’s so cliché. But the more I think about it, the more it moves from that zone of “not gonna happen in reality” to the area of probable impossibility. I don’t know. I guess i’ll just have to find out for myself. Do I want to? Maybe. But when? I guess that is the question that needs to be answered. When would I gather the courage to finally take that first step outward into the unknown, carrying nothing familiar, save for that peculiar feeling of possibility?

*   *   *